I don’t know why I feel the need to come back on here and write. I think I’m just afraid of having you not know me anymore, but I shouldn’t be. I shouldn’t. I just wish I knew what was going through your thoughts; but I shouldn’t care. I wish I could talk to you one more time..
because I know you were my first.
&& it’s hard to forget about your first.
If things aren’t what they seem, try and change what i think.
i’ll be here. moving farther and farther away (at least trying). If you ever feel though, you need someone- maybe like me- you know you can always talk to me.
The other side of Mt. heart attack by Liars
I have a new tumblrrrr
so if you have a new follower that begins with a “K”, that’d be meee (:
On thanksgiving, give your family my love and best wishes.
Tonight, hurricane Sandy hit. It’s my mom, my dad, and I sitting in the house- dark but lit by candlelight. Almost exactly at this time last year, hurricane Irene hit. It would be exactly the same except I was cuddled up in a comforter with you on your floor. We watched the news all night and waited for some crazy storm to happen. It never really did but I was with you, and that night i’ll remember and miss. I think it was my first time lying to my parents about where I was sleeping in order to sleep over your house. But then that became ‘routine’ and idkk… I guess the point is, for the sole reason of me missing that one night, and still remembering it like it was tomorrow- as if I am looking forward to it happening again, I have to forget about you. I have said it so many times before but if you happen to read this- take this as a final goodbye; because I won’t be saying it in any other way. I won’t answer your texts; I won’t speak to you, just perhaps give a glimpse of acknowledgement. I know I can’t erase you or the memories, I just have to not miss any of it. I have to not be willing to take you back within a second of you wanting me. I have to take what we became and only know that; know who you were when you ‘felt safe’ with me. There is a lot left unsaid but why should I write that on here. You shut me out when I needed to talk to you on that Wednesday morning at 2 am. Nothing I said mattered at that point and it still doesn’t and won’t ever. Now it’s my time to shut you out, to not have what you say matter to me; to not listen anymore; to not hope. If you ever try speaking to me- you better try hard- make me see a reason for why you would even care to ever talk to me.
We’ll see how this goes, wish me luck & strength.